1:51 am
Lately I’ve been dreaming too much.
Confusion is rushed in to delusion. The benefit of the doubt with other words.
It doesn’t work out in the long run I’ve been told.
Worrying about my future. I had such great plans for me. I mean, it’s me.. Evija. Evija the great. The best. The straight A student. The succeful one with the world at her feet.
Where is my world now? Because I can’t see it under my feet.
Worrying about my grandmother. Remembering my childhood and all the days I spent with her. Not understanding what everyone means. “She wont last too long”, “people do die eventually” and “you will come over it”.
What do you mean? No one has ever died. Just my two cats Sumo and Charlie, and my dog Artchie. Rest in peace. I still want to cry when I think about them. I remember the day they called me and said that Charlie was hit by a car. I thought I’d never stop crying. It was terrible and it still is.
And now you’re telling me that if she dies, I will over it? I don’t even know what to feel about that. Or think. It’s simply unthinkable.
Never mind… these late night thoughts are a delusion. I’m not even sure that whatever I say these days is actually what I feel or just something I think I should feel.
