Even though my head is filled with things; I can’t put it into words anymore.

Instead, I wander around the rainy streets of London listening to some sad music and waiting for things to make sense.

If I would write all these insane thoughts, I’m pretty sure the mental hospital would be knocking on my door soon.

However, I believe I am not the only one feeling like this.

I could be the one who says the things everybody is thinking, but nobody dares to speak of.

I could.

But I rather not.

So Good bye..

So what have you guys missed? Well, quite a lot. Got into a fight with a fotball player (yes, a guy). Think I lost the fight… but got written about in all the newspapers as “the 20 year old model”. My oh my, it actually made me a tad happy. He he. I mean, you have to try to see the positive things in all aspects… even when big 2m guys punch you.

Anyhow, was offered money for my story but the spotlight doesn’t make me justice so I said no.

Enough of humblenes..

Issue no.2 of the month is that time is flying by way tooooo fast. I don’t understand. Is it me having a great time? I really don’t know.. I’m just spending day in and out drinking coffee at some cafe with a friend. I’ve never been a coffee drinker but all of a sudden I get this “headache” if I don’t get coffee… is that a sign I spend too much time gossping with friends?

Issue (maybe not issue..) no.3 is that I’m going to Sweden on Friday with my boyfriend. Can’t wait to be back in my village where there are no shops, people, noise (except the sheep) or pollution. Such a contrast to London.

Smell ya next month dears!

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Although I’ve heard that during spring a lot of people get depressed, due to the lack of sun and everything else you’ve suffered from during the winter. I don’t really have that problem this year since, well… I was in Sydney this winter (thank you lord and my brain for that magnificent idea).

Also, I remember people saying that looooooove blooms in the spring. On the other hand, someone else said a lot of couples break up (due to depression leading to fights leading to… breaking up).

With other words, I should stop listening to other people.

Been keeping myself very busy with various tasks lately. Organising parties at our place seems to be the newest thing I’ve occupying myself with. Not to forget that I have managed to go for a coffee with someone everyday in the afternoons before heding to work.

Do be honest, I don’ think I’ve spent a day alone in… atleast a month.

Maybe time for an Evija day soon? Go to the spa, library, food shopping, walk, have a dinner….. ALONE.

Scary thought indeed.

Anyway, here is a lovely picture of my new found love and me. This is what I call a blooooooming loving relationship. Thanks mom & Sven for the perfect birthday gift!

It’s pathetic.

And people who blame their laziness on lack of money, and that they really would love to travel and see the world but they just can’t afford it.

When I was 17 I moved to London with £100 in my account, and iI survived. And I’m not superwoman, so you can do it too unless the fact is that YOU ARE SCARED.

And that’s pathetic too…

Ahhh, feels much better now. Off top Richmond and coffee with Kaka now.

(my new bike)

“Jag börjar komma in i nya dåliga vanor. Väldigt dåliga. Men jag vill inte sluta. Och nej, jag pratar inte om den dagliga chokladbollen”

February 7, 2008

“Jag gillar att titta på matprogram.
Sitta på tysta bibliotek eller gå omkring i mataffärer. Att inse när man vaknar att det inte är vardag och utan helg, och att man kan sova vidare. Läsa seriösa tidingar på caféer på morgonen. Att äta macka med leverpastej och ost på. Städa köksskåp och organisera talrikarna, glasen etc. Promenera runt 9-10 snåret i storstäder när solen lyser. Stå på broar. Äta vindruvor i parker eller på ställen som riverside walk i Battersea. Kolla på hus som är till salu (dyra) och tänka ut hur man skulle möblerat en sådan lägenhet.
Äta chokladboll efter lunch. Skala en kiwi och äta den.”

January 10, 2008

“Ja, det är för mycket fakeness i de här samhället. För mycket “vill du ha en kaka?” (JAG HOPPAS HON INTE TAR DEN!!!!!! BITCH; TA INTE KAKAN!)”!

December 10, 2007

“Vi hade “låt eleverna få dödsångest”-dag i skolan. Yey, titta på film om att vi alla kommer dö eftersom vi är så ointelligenta. Yeeey. Smaaart, låt våra redan sårbara och svaga själar få ännu mer tyngd på sig. Suck.”

October 2, 2007

“När jag satt där, för andra timmen i rad, förstod jag verkligen inte. är det här guds pröving? är detta skärselden som är så hemskt nämnd i bibeln? är det här bara ett prov för att se hur mycket jag egentligen vill leva?

känns som en god fortsättning av saw-filmerna.. be fångarna läsa isländs litteratur och ANALYSEEEERA.. ojoj, de lär springa efter giftet..

nä, men livet är inte enkelt. tur att det är sparrissoppa i skolan imorgon, annars hade jag just nu inte varit vid liv. jag ser trots allt ett ljus i slutet av tunneln..”

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1.  Realsweet_girl (I was 9 years old.. ok?)
2. evijaaa
3. fyfarao (ahahhaa)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Hair
2. Hands
3. My height

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My weak arms…
2. Nose (rhinoplastic surgery here I come…)
3. My upper lip

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Latvian
2.
3.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Crowded places
2. Things with more than 4 legs
3. Zombies

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Blackberry
2. Ipod
3. A phone call from Kaka

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Black shirt
2. Black trousers
3. Black shoes (… I’m at work)

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (At the moment):
1. Coldplay
2. The xx
3. Athlete

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS (At the moment):
1. Basic space – The xx
2. Tore my heart out – Mama Kin
3. Athlete – Wild wolve

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Excitement
2. Space
3. Love

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I would love to move back to Sweden
2. I always think I’m the victim
3. I rarely feel bad for things I should feel bad for

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Planning stuff… travels, events etc.
2. Spening time at cafes with people
3. Shopping

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Buy a one way ticket back to Sydney
2. Get a resident VISA for Australia
3. Shop…

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING/YOU’VE CONSIDERED:
1.  Movie star
2. Stripper
3. Gold digger

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Bali
2. Fiji
3. New York

THREE KID’S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Stardust
2. Funkmeistar
3. Elias

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Travel as much as I possibly can
2. Not waste my time on stupid people/things
3. Experience the feeling of “home”

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I love dresses
2. I expect others (guys) to carry my bag, open the door, pay at the restaurant
3. I want to feel protected.. and not protect

The spring is officially here in London. It’s sunshine and blue skies, and you could almost trick your mind into not waring that jacket… which later on turns out to be a bad idea since it’s still in fact around 5 C. Not cool. Or actually, very cool…

Big days are coming up and I feel like loneliest but happiest person in the world. Everyone is so negative and unhappy that I feel evil walking around smiling and thinking positive thoughts. It’s almost as if it’s a crime to spread happiness these days.

Anyhow, my birthday is coming up so I’ve planned a huuuuge fancy dress party in my flat. How original of me, huh? The theme is famous people so it’s going to be great fun to see everyone’s outfits! I’m still thinking what I should dress like… hmmm, not easy.

Smell ya later loves… xoxox

Confusion is rushed in to delusion. The benefit of the doubt with other words.

It doesn’t work out in the long run I’ve been told.

Worrying about my future. I had such great plans for me. I mean, it’s me.. Evija. Evija the great. The best. The straight A student. The succeful one with the world at her feet.

Where is my world now? Because I can’t see it under my feet.

Worrying about my grandmother. Remembering my childhood and all the days I spent with her. Not understanding what everyone means. “She wont last too long”, “people do die eventually” and “you will come over it”.

What do you mean? No one has ever died. Just my two cats Sumo and Charlie, and my dog Artchie. Rest in peace. I still want to cry when I think about them. I remember the day they called me and said that Charlie was hit by a car. I thought I’d never stop crying. It was terrible and it still is.

And now you’re telling me that if she dies, I will over it? I don’t even know what to feel about that. Or think. It’s simply unthinkable.

Never mind… these late night thoughts are a delusion. I’m not even sure that whatever I say these days is actually what I feel or just something I think I should feel.

Since I didn’t go out that much in Australia (well, not as much as I usually go out here…) I did a thing I haven’t done in quite a while – out 3 days in a row.

Friday was at Star and garter. Saturday at Cuckoo. And last night at Mamounia and the mist…

I feel tired!!!

Anyway. It’s been worth it because I’ve had so much fun! Almost forgot how great Londons nightlife is…

On Thursday I’m off to Sweden for a couple of days, looking forward to that. Have some detox time from this weekend (well needed… )

Btw, funny things… my horoscope said that I need to go to the beach because it will make me feel better. Yes. I would love to. But unfortunately the closest thing I am to a beach is Thamsen embankment… not sure if that will do?

And now I’m starting to think that I might end up in Stockholm this fall. How shittie wouldn’t that be. I might as well jump off a cliff tomorrow.

Not that it will matter to me. Since nothing does lately…